Fruit Filled Muffins

I always freeze browning bananas & use them as they're sweeter.

1 1/4 cups sugar
1/2 cup margarine or butter, softened
2 eggs
3 - 4 medium bananas
1 cup mixed frozen berries, thawed
1/2 cup buttermilk (substitute = almost 1/2 cup milk & a tiny bit white vinegar)
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt


Heat oven to 350(f). Grease bottoms only of 2 loaf pans 8 1/2 x 4 1/2 x 2 1/2 inches or 1 loaf pan 9 x 5 x 3 inches. You can also use muffin pans - makes about 18 muffins.
Mix sugar and margarine in a large bowl. Stir in eggs until well blended. Add bananas, thawed berries, buttermilk and vanilla, beat until smooth. Stir in remaining ingredients. Pour into pans. Bake 8 inch loaves about 1 hour, 9 inch loaf about 1 1/4 hour and muffin pans 1/2 hour or until wooden pick poked in center comes out clean. Cool 5 minutes. Loosen sides of loaves from pans: remove from pans. Cool completely before slicing. Wrap tightly and store at room temperature up to 4 days, or refrigerate up to 10 days.

Source : originally from Betty Crocker's Cookbook with berries substituted for 1 cup walnuts

The Ghosts of Past, Present and Future

By ghosts I'm referring to thoughts, we all dwell in those sometimes don't we? Some much more than others. I crave for quiet time alone to spend pondering and analyzing my thoughts. At night in my solitude is when I find I'm most at peace. At times I feel as though I think too much sitting oh so quietly within the chambers of my mind while the world around me sleeps. Then I ask myself, "If this is something that feels good, then how can it be wrong?".
I think that everyone needs time alone to think, to meditate, to reflect within themselves to learn and grow. The hustle & bustle of everyday life, rushing around and running yourself ragged can't be healthy. It's no wonder people bitch and complain so much, they hate their life, their job, their current situation etc.. They don't take time outs.

If you're like me, a new age thinker, into metaphysics and the Law of Attraction then you believe that everything is energy, including our thoughts and what you think about you bring about. Think about it, really think about that, it's a lot. To learn this is one thing, teaching it is another thing but to live it is a whole other story. Easier said than done, but like anything practice makes perfect.

The ghosts of our past are never far behind. It's funny how hearing, seeing and even smelling things can trigger memories, whether they be good or bad. The good ghosts are nice, they leave a smile on your face and maybe remind you of a story you'll share with a friend. It's the bad ghosts that haunt us, reminding us of times we would much rather just forget. But then of course feelings are awakened. Negativity is plagued within your mind and emotions, stuck in it like a fly on a sticky trap. Cheer up! look on the bright side..what a joke right? Well, now to stay in this state of mind for any length of time, don't be surprised if your life suddenly falls apart shortly down the road (what you think about you bring about).
Or...you can train yourself to stop dwelling on those ugly ghosts. There's many ways to do this but I'll just touch on one. That is gratitude. No matter how bad a situation was or is there's always a bright side and there's always at least one thing you have to be grateful for. You think not? You're alive aren't you? roof over your head? food to eat? kids? family? friends? pets? Be grateful for the sun in the beautiful sky, the air you breathe, the smell of fresh cut grass. If you have a hard time thinking about what you should be grateful for, then just think of how much worse your life could be. That usually helps. Being grateful diminishes bad thoughts and feelings because you can't feel positive and negative at the same time, it's impossible.

Looking back is ok to do a little bit, it's like referring to your map to see where you're going. However, focusing on the past for too long and you'll lose sight where you're going. How can you see ahead of you when you're walking backwards?

The future hasn't happened yet so you can chose either fork in the road. You can be optimistic and confident that things will fall into place and be promising. Or, you can agree with your ugly ghosts that your life is shit and will always be, and it WILL always be (what you think about you bring about).

If you have a hard time imagining a better future for yourself then it's best you just focus on now. Get off the negative train at gratitude station and from this day on take note of every little thing that makes you happy. Smile and think about it, write about it in your journal and praise people (especially kids).
One day after doing this for a while you'll feel the beautiful feeling of well being. A warm loving feeling that radiates through your whole body. That is you inner self showing you through your feelings that you're on the right path. Know that feeling, savior that feeling and try to never lose it. If it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't feel right that's your inner self telling you it's wrong. 
Living in the now is a gift, it's called present isn't it? Cherish this present and better days will soon follow..you see ;-)

Monsters

  When children wake from a nightmare crying and scared because of the monsters in their dreams; their parents rush to their bedside to assure them and comfort them that there is no such thing as monsters. I disagree.

Reading the newspaper and watching the news we often hear of violent beatings, rapes and  sadistic torture leading to the deaths of adults as well as young innocent children. The people responsible for these heinous acts...are they not monsters? I think so.

Now, because there's two sides to every story, I'm curious. What happened to that person who was once a pure innocent child as we all were, which molded them into the sick twisted monster they've become to commit acts so violent? They sure as hell  must have had a very rough life and you may argue, "But haven't we all?" True.   

Maybe things go deeper than our closed minds will let us see. In that dark mind, behind those evil eyes is a truth that will answer all the whys. 

Please understand that by dissecting this kind of situation I am by no means saying it's ok. I'm only pointing out that this "monster" was probably a victim starting as far back as their first steps. They could have been beaten by their parent(s), molested by parents, family, friends of family, strangers, teachers or even all of the above. By then with not even an ounce of self esteem would probably attract bullies. Teenage years...forget about friends, dating and socializing. At this point in their life I think they would think of themselves as quite the piece of shit that was never meant to be born, loved or accepted. I think these years would be full of hate and resentment towards others and self, severe depression and suicidal tendencies. 

Now this "victim" becomes an adult, still trying to just fit in and lead a normal life. But I ask you , how could one just brush off all that abuse & lead a normal life?? I know, seek help, go to counseling, see a psychiatrist. Easier said than done. After being mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically abused your whole life by the people who are supposed to love you and be there for you...don't you think that you would lose trust in humanity? I know I would. 

Perhaps this "victim" did seek help. A sigh of relief. For once, surrounded by people who understand and are sincere in wanting to help. Finally. They attend therapy and counseling, see a psychiatrist and begin a regimen of medication that makes them feel "normal'. Things look promising. Maybe a job is lined up, friends are made along the way and a first relationship starts. Nice, isn't life grand.

How does that saying go? Oh yea...what goes up, must come down. First relationship, a meaningful one and friends also something new and cherished. What if the friends turn out to be liars and thieves, using and abusing trust. The relationship also falls apart, trust betrayed by cheating ways perhaps with a so called friend. Stressed and depressed, too much work missed leads to getting fired. Can't find another job, funds are running low. Eviction notice slips under the door. No money for medication, barley any food. Life has become shit again. Sleep is no escape as nightmares are a haunting reminder of a past that won't let go. 

Living on the streets now chained down to the rock at the bottom. Looked down upon in disgust has become the norm. Any change spared no longer goes for food but rather any kind of drugs that bring a temporary escape from this existence. A waste of skin, never meant to be.

One cold night, trying to find a shelter with a bed available. Rushing before the beds are all called for. A dark alley is a short cut which turns out to be the wrong way. Out of sight from the public surrounded by a gang. Spit upon and pushed around and laughed at. A big mistake on their end for this "victim" has reached the end of their rope, snaps and loses it. Role reversal, the victim becomes the predator. 

Moral of the story ~ Beat a dog long enough and it will attack                                           

                                                

Psychic Vampires

Sometimes I wonder if we're all just a bunch of psychic vampires sucking energy back and forth from each other. You run across people online who claim to be psychic vampires like they're so cool, but I don't think they're any different than any of us. I think we're all capable of doing what they do.
If you're on the same page as me & believe that we are surrounded & full of energy you might also agree that our emotions carry a strong energy whether bad or good.
Think of when you're having a bad day & a friend shows up unexpectedly who's in a great mood. Things could go either way. Maybe seeing how happy they are & hearing what's got them so excited could be enough to lift your spirits & make you feel better. Or, seeing you in your dark pit of despair could piss on their parade & hearing what's got you down might just reach a hand out for them to pull them down there with you. Come to think of it though, either way things go you'll feel better. To sum up the latter situation..you're friend walks in like a ray of fucking sunshine and hears about the hell you're going through, they take a nose dive into the pit of shit to save your sad ass & get stuck in it while you climb out. Now you're feeling better and your friend is confused as to why they suddenly feel like balling their fucking eyes out for no apparent reason. So, who's the psychic vampire?

Zombies

I'm sure all the Twilight fans are still devoted to their beloved Vampires but as I see things, I think that as of now Zombies are definitely winning the debate of what's better - vampires vs. zombies. With Halloween just passed I didn't hear about any "Night of the Vampires" type gatherings but I did attend an annual Winnipeg Zombie Walk as I did last year. I did my face up as a zombie for the walk, again for a big Halloween party we had on gate night, then once more to hand out candies on Halloween. After all was said and done, the zombieness was just beginning as The Walking Dead was debuting on tv. I didn't do my zombie make up for that but I did watch it & I loved it.
My son and I often talk about things he's heard about the end of the world, including the zombie apocalypse. Personally I think that all of these "end of the world" theories are a crock of shit. Remember Y2K? I do, I remember waking up January 1st 2000 to find that everything was the same as it always was.
Let's just say that this Zombie Apocalypse is real. We watch zombie movies, read about them in books & comics and play very realistic video games as zombies swarm us. Now think about if they were really coming after you. Assuming you have a weapon, would you stand strong and fight, run for your life or take your own life to avoid becoming food for the masses of walking dead?